So, I figured I should write some more about my life, since a lot has been going on lately and I need to vent. In my last blog, I wrote a few things about my childhood and nature. Though I still can’t put down everything in words, especially the feelings, I will try my best.
I guess mistakes happen. They happen to the best of us. Nobody is perfect. Some mistakes that I have made are trivial, some are enormous. Some are so bad that I cannot even hope to gain any pardons for those. Heartbreaks and heartaches, one of friend puts it; guess its true. I have met a lot of people in my life, all of them had their own problems and their own way of going though them. Sometimes I wonder what would it be like to look at my life from someone else’s perspective, and try to understand what exactly is wrong with me. But I can’t, never will. I always look for happiness in others. But I can never find it in myself. I guess that’s one walk of life where I failed.
I have a very bad habit…well I suppose it’s bad, cause I have found little happiness in it. I get attached to people quite easily. I try not to, but I do, and it gets very hard to let go. I guess I need to check this “habit” of mine. Can anyone tell me what I should do? Can anyone show me a way? I guess not. Its my life, and I have to be in charge. But I could really use some support. What kind you ask? Well, I dunno. Anything I guess. I don’t ask for much.
There is a storm going in my mind. A storm of thoughts. I want this to end. I want some peace. Its very easy to write this in words, but as much difficult to gain it. Peace of mind, maybe someday I will find it. I can only hope. My capacity to love is unfathomable, but I can’t stop once I start. Nowadays, love as a word gets thrown around a lot. And I just want it to mean something. But I have not found anyone who shares the same views as mine. Again, maybe I will someday, who knows.
(to be continued)